Why does my heart beat so fast
from simply walking into the same building everyday?
A place where i have to learn and work under the watchful eyes
of people who tarnish my appearance, my dreams,
anything I love will soon be what I despise most.
Anything I do is taken the wrong way.
I fall down a deep dark ditch of despair and demotivation
whilst my pathetic peers thrive
from the hateful lies they slither around about me.
Why should I feel embarrassed for my existence?
Wouldn’t my life be easier if I was popular, likeable,
conforming to unachievable standards i’m expected to accomplish?
I’m trying to make my way out of this hellfire i’m enduring
but what’s the point?
The intelligent ones get praised for perfection
but I get swept aside,
when i’m trying to be my best.
They say grades don’t define you
but my 52% is ridiculed amongst those with 100.
Am I good enough? Am I prepared
for the intimidating world of work
where capitalism and energy consumption erodes society?
I feel barefoot. I feel like I don’t fit
into a single pair of shoes because I don’t know
how to fill the empty void growing inside me,
branching out like a poison tree
killing its surroundings
one by one.
I feel unprepared for my future, with no knowledge
of how to live a regular life.
It no longer matters if I’m unique or creative;
My talents deteriorate
Under the sheer pressure of
Trying to be normal and accepted
To progress anywhere in my future.